He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
