HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
