Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
