it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
