Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The air was thick with penises
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize