sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
do herpes really smell.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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