i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
