like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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