so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
These tits shall not be calmed
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
