Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
