I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
