remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize