i just google imaged poop.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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