i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
