dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize