You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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