I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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