i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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