I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Farmville is her only friend.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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