SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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