I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
