Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize