I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
sarcasm needs its own font
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize