Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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