i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
