so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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