And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
