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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so horny!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so hungry

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  For your pussy...

  Fav 65 24889 2188

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• (239): View more from Florida

  No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him

  Fav 12 1697 2449

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.

  Fav 10 2480 995

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• (714): View more from California

  They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.

  Fav 3 2201 954

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...

  Fav 5 1057 727

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall

  Fav 6 2412 731

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy

  Fav 2 925 578

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do

  Fav 7 1529 593

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.

  Fav 2 1140 537

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.

  Fav 5 737 529

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail

  Fav 0 672 427

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive

  Fav 0 545 330

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• (585): View more from New York

  Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.

  Fav 2 105 15

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap

  Fav 0 32 5

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie

  (510): View more from California

  In my experiences, brownies are better naked.

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