I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
