you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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