And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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