Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this boner is exhausting
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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