i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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