never play flip cup with pint glasses
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
