he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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