It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
