I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
