I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
