If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
