Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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