You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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