Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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