nut hugger
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
