Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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