I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
