some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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