Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
