Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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