Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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