After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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