this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
