3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
