Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
