dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
