Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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