i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
