The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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