If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
