I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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