Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
