found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
