I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
