I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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