yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
