Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
