just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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