Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he shaved USA in his pubs
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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