if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
