I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
