He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
