it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
